


He Loves Me Not

by sensualseoks



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: First Long Fic, Go Easy On Me, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Tears, Why Did I Write This?, mall date, maybe tears?, plz, pretty sad though, yoosung dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-23 03:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10711635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sensualseoks/pseuds/sensualseoks
Summary: They came unexpectedly. One second he was at his computer playing a round of LOL before bed, then the next he was leaning over his desk and coughing into the trash can. His chest constricted up tightly, his throat burned like there was bleach pouring down the back of it, and his eyes watered with the pain. Once the coughing fit had ended, he looked down into the small can and brought a hand up to his mouth, breathing heavily.Petals.





	He Loves Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually my first attempt at something in this fandom!! i don't really write that often, but when i do, it's sad. so read this to have a nice cry. that's all i'll say for now, or else i'll spoil something, catch you at the end (◕‿◕✿) !!!

They came unexpectedly. One second he was at his computer playing a round of LOL before bed, then the next he was leaning over his desk and coughing into the trash can. His chest constricted up tightly, his throat burned like there was bleach pouring down the back of it, and his eyes watered with the pain. Once the coughing fit had ended, he looked down into the small can and brought a hand up to his mouth, breathing heavily.

Petals.

Yoosung was coughing up petals. They were white, but places on them were doused with blood. Yoosung immediately knew what this was. His face set into a frown and he began to tear up, his bottom lip trembling slightly. The blonde boy let out a small whimper as he felt the wetness from his eyes start to spill down his cheeks. He had done a report on this a couple semesters ago. He believes is called the... the Hanahaki disease, and that you supposedly get it from one-sided love.

The cogs in Yoosungs head start to turn rapidly. He knows why he has this, how he got it, and who did it to him. His hands shake with the effort to reach his phone that's across his desk. A moment later he finally has his grasp on it and is fixing to hit the call button on Zen's number, but then he realizes something suddenly and goes completely still.

He can't tell a single soul.

No, no he can't tell anyone! Not his mom, not the RFA, not his best friend... No. Definitely not his best friend. Saeyoung, Saeyoung would make him get it surgically removed.

Yoosung decides to leave it be. He can't and will not tell anybody, _maybe it'll go away,_  he thinks to himself, though somewhere in the back of his head he knows it won't. He'll just have to hide it from Saeyoung. Yoosung knows that if he tells him, he'll love him back instantly out of guilt, and that would practically be taking away Saeyoungs real chance at happiness. _He’s, he’s already happy. I will not spoil these few moments of gracious happiness for him._ Yoosung thinks this to himself.

After gathering the stray petals in the trash to inspect them a bit, he cleans up his mess and brushes his teeth, then decides to lay down. His head hits the pillow and he tosses and turns for a while, feeling like his lungs are tied in a knot. _Fuck, this can't be good_ , he thinks to himself.

"It's okay, though. I can deal... I can deal."  
____________________________________

A few weeks go by, and Yoosung doesn't really notice anything majorly different about himself. Except for the constant need to hurl, but the only thing that ever comes out are petals and a little blood, even more so than the time before.

It's currently a early Saturday morning and him and Saeyoung have plans to walk around the mall for a while, looking for a good present for the redhead to give MC. So he stands in front of his mirror in his bathroom, clipping his two pins in his hair before walking out to put on his shoes. Saeyoung should be here any moment.

A couple minutes later, there's a knock on the door and Yoosung hears someone shout.

"Excuse me! Open up! It's the police and we've come to take all your LOL merchandise and achievements!" The voice behind the door shouts.

Yoosung laughs and smiles, he walks over to the door and opens it cautiously, afraid that Saeyoung will jump on him since he hasn't seen him in so long. When really it hasn't been that long at all.

Only Saeyoung thinks it's been to long of a split.

"YOOSUNG! Oh my god! Everybody thought you were dead!" Saeyoung laughs slightly to hide a bit of his concern, before pushing himself through the door and engulfing Yoosung into a big, bear hug.

Yoosung's breath gets knocked out of him for a moment before his hand twitches slightly. God, he suddenly feels the need to throw up. He doesn't lift a arm to hug Saeyoung back, the smell of him intoxicating the blond too much too even move.

He gently pats Saeyoungs side before pulling away and covering his mouth so he won't cough. Once he removes his hand, Yoosung smiles at the red haired man before biting his lip. "I know, I'm so sorry I've been ignoring everyone, I've just been really... busy." He lets the last word just fall off, and then he looks at Saeyoungs face once more to see his brow furrowed in concern.

"Okay, yeah all of us totally understand. College can be very busyfying at times." Saeyoung chuckles and latches his and Yoosungs arms together anyways.

"At least we get to hang out now though! Ready to go?" The blond nods at the other boys question and grabs his wallet and house key before walking out the door with him. He smiles over at Saeyoung as he talks excitedly about the next RFA party coming up. With every word he speaks though, Yoosung can feel a tug at his insides. Weeds enrapturing his lungs, making it a painful, but welcome feeling.  
____________________________________

It takes them a while to get to the mall because they decide to go on a walk, only because Saeyoung says Yoosung needs some sun on his skin.

Once they arrive Saeyoung drags Yoosung everywhere he thinks there might be a good item to give MC. Yoosung tags along cheerfully, smiling and laughing whenever appropriate. He constantly feels the need to cough, but he never does, in fear that a few petals may come with.

At around lunchtime they both sit down across from each other in the food court, Yoosung orders a sandwich from one of the restaurants while Saeyoung just pulls an extra bag of Honey Budda from his satchel. They eat in peace and chat quietly.

"Do you think the weather will be okay for the party? What if Jumin brings Elizabeth? Zen will freak out! What if V's ghost shows up and takes over? What if the sun implodes and it rains fire hot meteors down from the sky?" Saeyoung rambles on and on about what could happen at the RFA party, he's so worried since this one will be on MC's birthday.

Yoosung doesn't comment on anything and just let's him get it out of his system. Then suddenly, almost out of nowhere, he feels a tug at his chest, this one harsher than the ones so far today. He almost chokes right there before he lifts a finger up to Saeyoung, to get his attention.

"I'll be right back." Yoosung says quickly. He abruptly pushes his chair back from the two seat table, almost stumbling on his feet. He speed walks past a bunch of other tables, enough to get away from Saeyoung, before turning the corner and running a little ways to the men's bathroom with a hand over his mouth.

Yoosung flings the door open and immediately locks it behind him, and then he tumbles to his feet on the floor, hunching himself over the toilet just in time before the extruding petals and blood start spilling from his lips.

He coughs, and coughs, and coughs. He almost chokes, actually feeling like he's heaving his insides out of himself. Yoosung grips the side of the toilet, his head spinning and brain going haywire from the lack of oxygen it's getting. It _hurts_. These plants and petals. They're twisting up his lungs inside of him, suffocating him, choking him to where he _Can’t. Fucking. Breathe._

After a whole ten minutes of coughing and gagging, Yoosung can finally roll his head and body away from the toilet, just enough to suck in some fresh air. He inhales the air like it's the first time he's ever used his lungs. God, he feels so tired and ragged.

Yoosung wobbly stands up to look at himself in the mirror, and he looks _horrible_. He's pale, and skinnier than he usually is. His collar bones are showing, and he's beginning to see some light bruises on his throat. He figures that's a side affect of having plants growing on your insides.

Yoosung sighs gently and touches his face in the mirror, running a finger over the dip in his cheekbones. _Fuck, this really isn’t good.._

He gently washes his face off and rinses his mouth, before gathering himself as best he can and exiting the bathroom. His eyes dart around quickly, seeing if anyone had figured him out. Seemingly though, no one had.

Yoosung returns to Saeyoung with a bright smile on his face, before looking at Saeyoung and his smile goes from that, to a confused look. Saeyoung cocks his head to the side and stares at Yoosungs mouth as he sits down across from him.

"Uh, Yoosung, there's something red right at the corner of your mouth.." Saeyoung reaches his hand up to wipe it away, but Yoosung quickly retaliates and slaps it away.

Saeyoungs eyes widen and he pulls his hand back, before biting his lip and looking down at his lap for a moment before saying. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to intrude your personal bubble."

Yoosung is breathing heavy again, fuck; he just can't seem to get in enough air to satisfy his lungs anymore. He frowns and brings his own hand up to wipe his mouth before saying, "N-no, no, it's fine Saeyoung. I shouldn't have reacted like that to you." He smiles slightly and sees Saeyoung look up at him, a small smile pulling at his lips as well. Yoosung blushes and rolls his eyes slightly.

"Well, are you done eating? Because my feet are getting tired and I don't know how much more time they can take in here.” Yoosung laughs after he asks his own question and picks up his trash, Saeyoung nods and follows suit. They both throw their trash away before heading off to the opposite side of the mall, wandering around looking for MC a nice present.  
____________________________________

After what seems like forever, Saeyoung finally picks a good present for MC. It's a bracelet that will fit tightly around her wrist; there in the middle of it it has her birthstone, looped with the silver chain.

As Saeyoung buys it, Yoosung feels jealousy boiling up in his blood. He gets hit with the realization that _he_ wants that bracelet. And _he_ wants Saeyoung. Not like that's anything new, though. That same thought is what caused him to start spiraling to his own death in the first place.

Yoosung turns his body away from the register as he feels a cough coming on, he does. Quietly though, he coughs into his hand and two, white petals come out. These two aren't spotted with blood, so he just shoves them in his pocket as he hears someone approaching behind him.

He irritably can't get one of the petals to come unstuck from his palm, so he keeps his hand in his back pocket and turns around just fast enough to greet Saeyoung with a big smile.

"Hey, Yoosung! Look at what I got for her! Isn't it beautiful I mean-..." The redhead cuts himself off. He finally looks up to catch a glimpse of the blonds face. He lets his eyes linger there for a moment before scanning over his stiff form.

Yoosungs hand starts trembling a little bit. _God, please, not now._ He worriedly tells himself.

He smiles still and says screw it, he pulls his hand out of his pocket and watches the disregarded petal that was stuck fall to the floor. It goes unnoticed by Saeyoung. The blond still feels the empty tug at his throat, though. He worries for a moment that he won't be able to contain himself, but then he nods at Saeyoung and hurriedly replies back.

"It's beautiful Saeyoung. I'm sure she'll love it." The blond bites lip to sustain a cough and let's the conversation just dull away.

He finally looks up and catches a glance at Saeyoung after what feels like hours, though it could have only been merely 30 seconds.

"I have to go, Saeyoung. I have a match up on LOL today and I really don't want to miss it, you'll be okay getting home, right?" Yoosung asks from the front of the store. Saeyoung nods in response, though is eyes are filled with worry.

"Y-yeah, of course.. yeah, Y-Yoosung, Yoosung wait! Are you okay? I, I think there are bruises on your throat!" Saeyoung takes a step closer and squints to see if he's seeing things okay.

Yoosung twitches slightly under his gaze at the front of the store, then turns completely around and faces the stores doors, totally ready to walk out of them without another word being said.

Unfortunately though, nothing gets past Saeyoung.

Yoosung feels a harsh tug at his wrist and then he's automatically being pulled back into the store and over to the side, the red head boy definitely not giving in to whatever ploy Yoosung was trying to convince him of.

Saeyoung forms his face into a look that definitely resembles a worried mother. He sets his bag with MC's present down and let's go of Yoosungs wrist.

 _Finally_ , Yoosung thinks, cuffing his fingers around his sore wrist to rub at it slightly, an adorable looking scowl on his face.

"What are you not telling me, Yoosung? Are you seeing someone? Are they abusive? Are you hurting yourself?" Saeyoung spits out questions like this is a rapid fire game, he scans over Yoosungs throat and gently brings up a hand to graze over one of the smaller bruises.

Yoosung shutters at the feel and turns his head away from the ginger in front of him, he sighs deeply and rubs up and down his arms.

"Saeyoung, gods, please. It's nothing I promise, I was just flat ironing my hair the other night and accidentally burnt myself in a couple places... it's okay. It doesn't hurt." Yoosung smiles weakly and shakes free of Saeyoungs grasp to rub a spot on the back of his neck.

He feels his spine there.

Saeyoung looks at him curiously with a little pout on his face. Then he takes a small step back, and Yoosung finally has room to breathe without the intoxicating smell of the other so deep in his lungs.

"Okay, okay I believe you." Saeyoung sighs and picks his small shopping bag back up off the ground. "...ah, haha. I'm sorry Yoosung. You just, you know, it worries me to think that you're not feeling well." The red headed boy smiles sweetly at the other and bites his lip out of habit.

Yoosung feels a shrill of happiness flow through his veins at the words. Saeyoung could be such a prick sometimes, but on the inside, he was just a big worrywart for his friends. Yoosung actually found it adorable.

"It's fine. I know how you get sometimes." Yoosung laughs lightly and his body shutters with the action. Saeyoung smiles and chuckles a bit as well, making sure to look the other boy right in the eye when saying the next line.

"Mmm... I'm glad you're okay, Yoosung. I'm sure I'd _die_ if anything were to happen to you."

Yoosung swears his heart stops in his chest when the other boy says that, but at the same time he believes it's going to beat at his rib cage so hard they break.

Saeyoung just acts like it was nothing, because to him, it practically was. Absolutely nothing. The red haired boy walks back to the entrance of the shop, the same spot they were at a few minutes ago. He turns his head to look quizzically at Yoosung, before adding, almost timidly, "You coming?"

Yoosung gets jerked out of his almost daydreaming state, to stare at Saeyoung with a look of awe on his face.

_Gods, I’m so in love with this man._

The blonde boy jogs up to stand next to Saeyoung, before smiling brightly at him and latching their arms together. They both walk out of the store together, and then leave the mall shortly after.

Saeyoung walks Yoosung back to his apartment even though it's dark outside. When they arrive Yoosung offers to let the red haired man come in for a moment but Saeyoung shakes his head, saying he has stuff to do, things to hack. Yoosung chuckles at these words but nods respectively, before stepping inside his apartment and giving Saeyoung a sweet smile and a wave that meant goodbye.

After Saeyoung leaves and Yoosung shuts the door, he cleans up around the place a bit and gets in the shower to relax a little.

Today had been really stressful, having to keep this secret from his best friend and also major crush was seemingly harder than he'd thought it would be.

Yoosung gets out of the shower and puts on some boxers after he wraps a towel around his head to keep his soaking wet hair from dripping down his back. He then lays down in bed and sighs at the feeling as his body hits his comfortable sheets, _Ah, much better._

He falls asleep quickly that night, seemingly feeling a little bit sated after seeing the cause of his deathly disease for a couple hours.  
____________________________________

Four in the morning.

Four in the _fucking_ morning.

It was four in the morning, and he was hunched over his toilet, night before the big "RFA party".

Yoosung felt like dying. The pain that came with the petals and blood was beginning to get unbearable. He could feel the plant, growing bigger by each day, wrapping its roots around his lungs and heart, growing up his throat. He couldn't take it anymore.

His chest and abdomen were littered with bruises where the plant had been pushing up against his bones and damaging his insides, his neck and collar bones were doused with big purple and red marks. Some being old, some new. Either way, they both hurt just as much.

He wobbly stood up on his feet after having sat there for at least an hour, he just couldn't find the energy to move anymore. It's like the plant inside him was being stingy and sucking up all his enthusiasm for itself. He quickly cleaned up the bloody mess before walking back into his room, he knew he wouldn't be getting anymore sleep tonight. So he wandered through the living room and into the joint kitchen to make some coffee, which he did, with stride. _Thank you very much._

He already had his outfit picked out for the party that was happening around lunchtime today, it was a simple cream-colored turtle neck with black jeans and some of his nicest dress shoes. He knew this particular outfit though is usually skin tight, but since he's lost so much weight now, he thinks it might look weird. He shrugs to himself and sips his coffee in peace. _They won’t think anything of a little weight loss, right?_

Yoosung chuckled to himself, before rolling his eyes back at his own stupidity. _'A little weight loss'_ , who the hell was he kidding? All he was anymore was practically just a sack of skin and bones.

After Yoosung finished his drink and went back to the bathroom to have another coughing fit, he settled down in the living room to watch a little TV, though he wasn't really paying attention. His mind was somewhere else entirely.

He thought about Saeyoung, of course. His mind couldn't ever seem to think of anything else these days. It's like when the disease came, so did the rest of his feelings. Though he's sure that's not really how it works, he believes that maybe with everything that's going on with him now Saeyoung is just always at the forefront of his mind.

At some point during his minds rampage on Saeyoung, he dozes off into a fitful sleep on the couch in his living room. It is neither satisfying nor refreshing, as a matter of fact, when he wakes up, he even feels more tired than before. It's like his body is tearing itself down while he's not looking. Suspecting that he won't notice or find out.

_Oh, but he does. He does find out._

Yoosungs ribs feel like they're snapping with every breath he takes, like somehow they're already full on the inside. He takes short, quick breaths as he walks to his bedroom to finally get ready for the RFA's party today. _God, it hurts so much._

He dresses accordingly and texts Zen lazily before fixing his hair and brushing his teeth. He tries his hardest to look presentable, but it's seemingly very difficult. What with all the weight he's lost and the bruises covering just below his turtle neck and the sleeves of his shirt.

He sighs heavily as he steps out the door of his apartment and walks down the halls. Not to classy, not to shabby. He earns just enough to provide for himself and live a decent life. As soon as he gets outside of the building he thanks the gods he decided to wear something that covers most of his skin because it is absolutely _freezing_ outside.

Yoosung hails a taxi and gives the driver the address to the banquet hall before sliding into the backseat and buckling up. His tailbone wails out at him silently and he ignores it by squeezing his eyes shut. The blonde doesn't even attempt to put a seatbelt on over his chest; he thinks it's too much a risk. Yoosung could honestly shatter to pieces even if it was something so small like a seat belt; his body is weak, tired, and dying.

After what seems like a drive that takes away years of his life, the taxi finally comes to a stop and he sighs of relief. He carefully pulls out his wallet and pays the driver before slowly opening the door and stepping out; he's seemingly got here a little late even though he had been preparing for this all day long. There are no paparazzi outside looking for Zen or Jumin so he thinks they must have all got here and went inside already.

He walks up the agonizing staircase to the doors and they open almost automatically with two guards standing at the entrance. All of them surely know his face by now. Even though the first two guards he sees give him a quirky look.

Yoosung suddenly remembers, he's in _pain_. It's probably completely obvious.

He plasters a big smile on his face as he continues to walk down the hall to the banquet room, taking slow steps to keep him from feeling the short but hurtful pangs of pain that randomly decide to run through his body when he moves the wrong way.

At the end of the hallway is two more guards, _Of course,_ Yoosung says to himself, Zen and Jumin have to be inside if the guards are on the outside rather than in.

These two open the doors for him as well, and as soon as Yoosung steps into the room, he is hit with the full on party atmosphere. Usually their "parties" are centered around the donations that are given, but this one, that always happens the first day of December, is more of a party _party_ than a fundraiser party.

He looks around for a moment with a bright smile on his face, before spotting Jaehee at the exact same time she sees him. She practically shoves some of the guests out of the way to get to the blonde boy. A couple of the party-goers give her distasteful looks, but Jaehee just keeps on moving, almost like a plower truck on a farm. _It's facinating_ , Yoosung thinks, he giggles to himself at the sight. Although his chest aches in response.

"YOOSUNG! THERE YOU ARE!" Jaehee practically shouts at him, "I didn't even think you were going to come! Seven said the last time he saw you, you looked like a ghost! A-and... um, now that I've seen you myself, I kind of believe him." She sighs and pulls away from the blonde boy a bit to scan him fully up and down. Once finished with her minor evaluation she gives Yoosung a small smile, one clearly showing her own apprehension in hugging him to tight.

"You do look kind of frail, Yoosung. Have you not been eating? I thought you ate all the time." _Ah, there it is_. Yoosung thought. There was some of Jaehees usual snarkyness.

Yoosung sighs in response and brings a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, before first realizing that _Ouch, that hurts_ , and then that he forgot he was wearing a turtleneck. The blonde carefully constructs an idea in his head before letting anything slip from his mouth.

"It's all the studying I've been doing, I hardly have time to even breathe for myself anymore." The blonde chuckles at his own sentence to make it seem more convincing, before instantly regretting it as he feels petals flutter up the inside of his throat.

His eyes widen in shock as they threaten to fall past his lips, exposing him to everyone here. Yoosung closes his mouth tight and just smiles brightly as Jaehee responds.

"Yeah, well. Zen has been freaking out. It's like he's your mother or something.." Jaehee trails off and looks across the room, she meets eye contact with Zen who is currently standing next to Jumin. She waves him over and then points to Yoosung in front of her. His eyes widen and he does practically the same thing Jaehee did, plow through the crowd of people like they're crops needing to be sold. Jumin follows him close behind, admittedly at a much slower pace.

"Yoosung!" He hears another shout as the white haired man approaches, then suddenly he's being engulfed into a big, tight hug.

Yoosung immediately lets out a whimper and grabs onto Zen's arm, barely being able to hold himself up anymore. His legs feel like jelly after such a hard force colliding with his ribs.

Zen's eyes widen and he holds Yoosung much gentler now, after hearing the other boys protesting sound of pain. He scans the other boys head over and notes the dullness of hair color, and the purple marks up high on the side of his throat. "Yoosung, w-what.. why, what's happening?"

Jaehee stands in shock next to Zen, the poor blond looks like he's fixing to topple over onto he ground. Jumin looks around the crowd to see if anyone else saw as he crowds the other two boys, gently setting a hand on Zen's shoulder and one on Yoosungs head.

Yoosung lets out another sound that is close to a groan when Zen moves a bit. His whole body is quaking now, he can barely breathe. His throat is constricting and he looks up at Zen, then over to Jumin, then finally to Jaehee. But it looks like she's looking somewhere else.

Just as he thinks he's about to topple over, he hears someone shout his name from behind him. Yoosung turns his head slightly to catch a glimpse of flaming red hair before his mind goes blank, his vision goes black, and his legs give out from underneath him.

____________________________________

 

"YOOSUNG!" There's a shriek heard from across the room and all the guests’ heads jerk towards the front door.

A red headed man, crazy eyed and panting. He dashes through clusters of people, not even separating eye contact with whatever it is he's looking at. Everyone follows him with their eyes until his body jerks to a sudden stop.

Just in front of him, is Jumin, who already has his phone out and is dialing 911 with urgency. Over to the side there's Jaehee, almost about to hyperventilate. She drops the microphone that had been in her hand and then rushes to Yoosungs aid. The blonde boy is currently on the floor, laying half way on top of a shocked looking Zen. He is currently unconscious.

Saeyoung drops to his knees and scoots closer to the frail pile of limbs on the floor; he doesn't even look like he's breathing. Zen gently coaxes Yoosung's body up to lay with his back to Zen's chest. Saeyoung sighs and bites his lip as his eyes start to water a little bit, _Why is this happening? What’s wrong with him?_

The ambulance arrives quickly; they rush into the banquet room yelling and shouting for everyone to get out of the way, _Make a path! Make a path!_ Everyone immediately moves, except for the four that were there when it happened. The paramedics pick Yoosung up and gently carry him down the hall, with a blubbering Zen and hysteric Jaehee following closely behind.

Saeyoung stays by the blonde boy’s side the whole time, he holds his hand until the paramedics lay him on a stretcher and push him up into the back of the ambulance. Then he just gets in right after and holds his hand once more. Just before the door shuts he spots Zen and Jaehee piling into the back of Jumins black car, the other man being in the passenger seat.

The doors close then, and he feels the ambulance start to move. He hears the sirens, loud and clear. There are people shouting all around him, pounding on Yoosungs chest, or sticking needles in his arms, pulling his eye lids open and shining in a small flash light to see if he's alive.

Saeyoung bites his lip to keep a sob from escaping. This is HORRIBLE. He doesn't even know what's happening to Yoosung. _Is he hurt? Is he sick? Is he going to die?_

The red haired boy just squeezes the others hand tight, hoping that somewhere in his conscience he can feel it, and that he'll come back to all of them soon.  
____________________________________

Yoosung wakes up with a shock, his body trembling and loud, high pitched noises sounding off everywhere around him. His eyes widen as he looks around. He's met with the sight of white, _God, so much white_. His heartbeat feels like it's going to burst out of his chest, and his throat is full of something that's keeping him from breathing.

He coughs. Then some of the pressure is relieved. So he does it once more, and then again. Something coming from his mouth every time he does so. They're petals, _Of course, what else could they fucking be?_ Yoosung tries to turn his head away from all the eyes that are on him. It's not over yet. He still can't breathe and so he just keeps gagging, coughing up everything that he's been holding for _however_ long he's been unconscious, he has absolutely no idea.

Finally, a nurse comes over to help him. She hands him a bucket and slaps his back a little, trying to shock his body into breathing again. His face is beginning to turn purple and the machines are _shouting at him_. The nurse then gives one particularly hard hit right in the center of his back, he splutters and then it's full flowers that are coming out. He coughs up about 4 of those, and then he can finally breathe. He gulps in the air greedily, his chest rising and falling erratically with the effort.

The machines start to settle, and so does his heart rate. So he gently lies back in the clean hospital bed. His body screams at him for moving at all. It's then that he notices he's been changed out of his party clothes and into a hospital gown. It's short sleeved, so he can see his arms.

They look horrible. He looks them over and sighs, his veins aren't even blue anymore. They're fucking _green_. The bruises are horrible, too, he can't even bare to move them because it feels like sticks are stabbing him from the inside and then pushing out.

The nurse doesn't say anything to him, she just leaves the room. Leaving him to wallow in his own death bed. Yoosung looks around and bites his lip, _Gods, he’s so tired._

He starts to recall the events at the party last night, or, whatever night. He still doesn't know how long he's been out. First he recalls talking to Jaehee and then her bringing over Zen and then he hugs him and-... _Zen, you bastard! Ugh, I should have moved away from his hug, or dodged it._

He sighs reluctantly and then his memory flashes again, the sight of flaming red hair. _Saeyoung_. Yoosungs chest aches as he remembers the face of his best friend as he himself fell to the ground. It was sad, and the other boy was so obviously scared.

Yoosungs train of thought is broken as the door to his room flies open, and then there are people at his side in mere seconds.

Yoosung raises his head only barely to see them. On the left side Jumin and Jaehee stand by each other, the black haired man looking as stoic as ever, while the shorter woman looks like she hasn't slept in weeks.

To the right side, Zen, at the foot of his bed. His lips are quivering and he throws himself down onto the bed, burying his face in his arm as he weeps loudly against the bed sheets.

Then closest to him, right by his head, is Saeyoung. Yoosung gives the red head a thoughtful smile, before raising up slightly to throw himself into a coughing fit.

Yoosung holds his hands over his mouth and coughs as quietly as he can, he catches all the petals in his hands and only brings them down once he knows he's done for now. He squeezes his fists together to keep them from falling anywhere; he catches sight of them, now noticing that they're all white. The purest white he'd ever seen, it's hard to believe they even came out of his body.

Everyone in the rooms eyes widen, they stare down in shock at Yoosungs hands.

Yoosungs body starts to quiver as tears trek a silent trail down his cheeks, he turns his head away and let's his hands go. The petals fall onto the blanket in his lap and he looks up at the ceiling, trying to regain some dignity before he tells everyone.

"Who?"

The word echoes in Yoosung's mind after it passes the red heads lips. Yoosung gently turns his head and sends the other a watery smile. His chest aches and he can feel the tension inside building again.

"Who is it?" Saeyoung asks again.

Yoosung bites his lip at the question, _Sweetheart, who do you think?_

The blonde boy chuckles lightly, the bruises on his body quake with anger at the movement and he lets out a small yelp of pain. He locks his gaze onto Saeyoungs and then murmurs, ever so quietly.

" _You_."

The whole world seems to stop in that moment.

Everyone holds their breath, no body moves. And no one dares to say anything. Zen is the first one to break this trance though, as he reaches his hand out and gently rubs at Yoosungs leg under the blanket, circling it in a soothing motion.

Jaehee gently tangles a few of her fingers in Yoosungs blonde hair; he turns to her slightly and smiles up at her. He sighs as she weaves them in and back out again, like a basket.

Jumin just sits down on the side of the bed and turns his head to the side, he gazes into Yoosungs eyes affectionately, well, with the most affection Jumin Han can show. It's all the conformation Yoosung needs.

The blonde boy then turns his gaze to meet the red haired male beside him. He locks his eyes on his and notices the tear spilling down the other mans cheek.

Saeyoung pulls off his glasses and then reaches for Yoosungs hands; he presses on close to the bed ridden boy and bites his lip to stop from crying out loud.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" Saeyoung questions the other; he can't believe he let this go on for so long.

Yoosung just smiles again as his lips quiver; he shakes his head sweetly and whispers a few words back. "I didn't want to ruin your happiness."

Saeyoung shakes his head violently and pulls Yoosungs hands closer, he lets out a loud sob and pulls one of the blonde boy’s hands to up cup his cheek. He presses it to his face using his, and he lets the tears flow freely. Yoosung gently circles his thumb around the red heads cheek before sighing; he can't hold his arm up anymore. He can't.

"You wouldn't have ruined anything! Yoosung, no... No! No! _No_! You, y-you can't leave us like this!" Saeyoung whisper-shouts close to the blonde boys face.

Yoosung just shakes his head and let's his hand fall down, then lays back farther on the bed. He looks up at the ceiling as his body is suddenly racked with shutters.

"It's okay, Saeyoung. I promise." He whispers back to him and smiles a little. Saeyoung just lets out a sad sounding squeak as he squeezes Yoosungs hand again, he shakes his head wildly.

"No! Please! You can't! I... _I loved you!_ "

The frail boys’ eyes widen at the revelation.

He loves him.

Saeyoung loves him.

He turns his head a little, his face looks ecstatic even for the state he's in. His eyes shine like stars and his smile is as bright as the sun itself, he chuckles lightly before saying his last and final words.

"Thank you."

The machine beeps. It beeps loudly as he feels his body give up on him.

Petals bubble up his throat, stems sprout into his lungs, and weeds begin to enrapture his soul. He slowly feels his existence come to a stop, right behind his eyes. His world ends.

Yoosung thinks it's a beautiful way for him to be set free, though.

Yoosung Kim died a satisfying death on December 3rd, with the last thought on his mind being.

_Saeyoung loves me._

**Author's Note:**

> GAHHHHHH IM SORRY BUT IM ALSO NOT, it was kind of bittersweet, right? i tried to stretch the ending as long as i could, but i had seemingly run out of words to describe yoosungs death. ehhh, if ya wanna subscribe or something i'll probably write more on yoosung and sevens relationship. not in this story, though. they're just so cute, i probably won't be able to help myself! i assure you though, the next one will have a happy ending! thanks for reading!


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